Today I’m thankful for a sunny day at the park with my munchkin. For a few hours life felt almost normal and care free.
I’ve been in a funk for a few weeks. My Dad and Sister have some things going on and I love them so much, and find it so frustrating not to be able to “fix” it. They are big things, life altering things and there’s nothing to be done but work through processes and see what comes. On top of that I’m trying to make some big decisions for myself and my life (once Sky’s in school FT)…there’s a lot on my mind all of a sudden.
I have found it hard to proceed with “normal” life. I know I risk hurting feelings here, and that’s not what I mean to do, just trying to sort myself and my feelings out. I sort of feel like life has stopped, or is at least in a huge state of limbo for my family, and the rest of the world is moving along totally normal. As it should, but I still find it frustrating to deal with.
There are social outings, parties, appointments, a big football game in a few days…you know normal life stuff. And, I’m having a hard time caring. Or, maybe I just care so much about my Dad and Sisters situation that I care less about anything else. Of course I want to be a good friend, and be there for my friends and the various events, but I feel like I’m going through the motions. I’m there, but not really. My mind is hours and states away…all. the. time.
Yep, I know I’m not the best friend right now. What I want to do is shut down, turn everything off, strip life down to the basic needs, keep everything simple until I have a clearer picture. But, that’s not totally realistic, and I want to try and be a good friend so for now I’ll put on my smile and my party shoes and fake it.