This month I’ll focus on one thing to be thankful for every Thursday rather than a bullet point list.
Today I’m thankful for all the twists and turns in life that made me a stay at home mom.
Please keep in mind this is based on my own personal situation, and not a commentary on what is right or wrong, what other moms should or shouldn’t do or feel. This is about me, and no one else. There are lot’s of ways to parent and be happy families…to each their own!
It’s astonishing to me that I’m a mom at all (for those that don’t know I thought I didn’t want kids…ever. Was very happy being kiddo free), so deciding to pursue adoption was a shocking move to those that know me. I remember the call to my Dad telling him we started the process I seriously thought he had a heartache on the phone he was so shocked.
Adoption itself is a crazy roller coaster of a ride with no guarantee as to the outcome. A leap of faith for sure. The fact that someone chose us to give her precious baby to is still sort of unreal to me. I look at her sometimes and still have a hard time believing she’s ours. Such an honor and a privilege to be Sky’s Mommy.
Being a stay at home mom was absolutely not part of the plan. I had a good job, good pay, co-workers I enjoyed, and 14 years of seniority…so I wasn’t going anywhere, plus I wanted to work. I liked “pulling my weight”, and having been through a divorce previously, and being the financially responsible one in that relationship, I knew the value of having a self support job…you just don’t know what life is going to bring your way.
But, layoffs happened while I was on leave with Sky, and the writing was on the wall, even with 14 years in it was easy to see my job wasn’t going to be there for me, and I was not thrilled about the assumed reorg of the department, even if my job survived the cuts. So I signed the separation paperwork with my employer, and focused on enjoying a few months off with my baby.
I did not expect to enjoy being home with her as much as I did. I flat out couldn’t stand the thought of not being with her. I said something, half joking because I didn’t think it was a possibility, that I secretly wanted to be a stay at home mom. Well, a few days later Mark said that since the single income was working, and it was clear we were all pretty happy with the situation why not stay home until Sky was in school FT.
Even though it’s hard and frustrating some days, there are moments in each day that make me so thankful I get to be the one (for the most part…pre-school and grandparents help too!) who plays with her, helps her learn new things, holds her hand, cuddles with her, get’s to experience her wildly funny sense of humor, and her huge loving heart. So many precious, fleeting moments packed into a single day that I file away in my heart and mind to hold onto.
I get overwhelmed sometimes thinking about how if one little thing had been different, of if something had or hadn’t happened the way it did my life would be totally different right now.
Everyone has ups and downs in life, good and bad…I’d go through it all again if I knew it meant I’d be where I am today. So thankful to have a husband, daughter, and life that I love!