I’m going to try and keep this short because I don’t believe in wallowing in grief and misery, and I don’t want to bring readers down with me either.
That’s how I feel today. I’m not sick or anything, it’s a mental and emotional thing. Feel really out of sorts, frustrated, angry, sad, worried, not sure if I want to curl up in bed, punch something, run until I drop…I just don’t know how to sort myself out right now.
I found out yesterday that Grandpa’s malignant melanoma has spread through his body, and he will be traveling to Seattle for emergency surgery and treatment.
Sometimes I think knowing too much is just as bad as not knowing enough. While I love my volunteer work with the ACS the last 17 years it also means I know more than I want to at this very moment.
You know what stresses me out the most, it’s not the cancer itself, its all the side effects. From the obvious challenges like being sick from chemo to the less obvious like navigating the healthcare system and dealing with insurance.
Add in the fact that Grandpa already has a newly diagnosed serious medical condition (not related to cancer) that is causing him significant discomfort and now this…it’s just seems like too much.
It’s hitting my Dad pretty hard, and that makes me feel bad too, knowing how worried he is.
While I feel like I just want everything to stop so I can take a moment, the fact is life moves on, and there are still errands to run, dinners to cook, and a little girl that counts on her mommy for her happiness. Daddy too, but lets face it, she is stuck with me most days. So, I have got to hold it together and not let my out of sorts’ness get to her.
So this is not a total downer post…